struggling

So the past couple of days have been pretty rough for me. Nothing too serious (no ED behaviors) but the urge to engage has been really strong. I keep reminding myself that I've come too far to just let it all go now and that has really kept me going.

My new problem is since I've been "recovered" I had very few, if any, moments where ED reared his ugly head. Some days I wouldn't feel too pretty, nothing fit right or my face appeared swollen... Ya I think every girl is allowed those days every once in a great while. BUT these last 10 days, ED has been on repeat with these thoughts and its driving me nuts.

I guess I had forgotten what it was like during the the thick of my condition and I know this is an opportunity to humble myself and remember that a relapse is never out of the question.

I have to be aware. But at the same time I don't want to listen carefully to everything ED is telling me. Jenni Schaefer, author of Live Without Ed and Goodbye Ed Hello Me, says that I should talk back to ED instead of ignoring him.

I have tried but a lot of times I just want the thoughts to go away, and lately I've been distracting myself with TOO MUCH TV and sleeping whenever possible. This may also just be part of my dysthymia, but lately I had not felt so "depressed."

Anyway, I know this post is a downer but I had to be honest with myself. I can't keep pretending I'm all better because that is when I'm most vulnerable; when my guard is down.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to fight the enemy.

To all of my girls (and guys) struggling also, recovery is worth fighting for so stay strong!