My therapists always tell me to journal. Journal, journal, journal. What is journalling anyway?! I've never been able to grasp the concept or even journal on a regular basis. I guess its because there is no topic, no right or wrong way, and I need structure, RULES!
If someone can just tell me what to do and how to do it and when to do it, that'll be great. I bet I'm going to get a lot of answers like... "You are journalling right now!" But I mean like real journalling like in a little book at random times during the day and during group therapy.... you know?
I'll attempt it but won't share it publicly, since I'm afraid of what I might talk about. It's like free association right? No censoring? Yeah, ok that's not going to be posted. Hehehe.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hey there...
OMG!!! where have I been!? I'll tell you where I've been... LIVING LIFE!!! I am finishing up my BA in Psychology this Spring and will be started my doctoral education in the Fall!!
So, lemme catch y'all up a bit.
Since last you'd heard from me I didn't have a car but now I do! And not just any car but the exact same make model year color car I had that was totalled back in April 2008. Only difference (besides the ton of modifactions the previous owner did) is that its a stick-shift. Yes, that means I had to learn. Basically it was sink or swim. In the beginning it seemed impossible and I was extremely frustrated because I wasn't able to master it. I even gave up for a few weeks wondering if I made the right choice by purchasing a car I don't know how to drive! I hung in there and eventually was able to drive on my own. Very shaky and lots of stallings but still, I did it.
Writing about this now, I can't help but reflect how much this mirrors my recovery since treatment. It was very difficult and seemed impossible and I "stalled" several times. I even gave it up and gave in to ED. But somehow I trudged on. And little by little I learned how to live without ED. He was my automatic transmission but now I had to switch to my manual "healthy" self.
And now, just like everything you practice, its second nature. I am referring to both the driving and my live without ED.
I'm here to say that its possible. Everyone can do it if they really want it. AND, there is more to life than just ED.
Oh yes and one more thing..... Its been over a year since I have engaged in ED behaviors. Time went by so quickly!
So, lemme catch y'all up a bit.
Since last you'd heard from me I didn't have a car but now I do! And not just any car but the exact same make model year color car I had that was totalled back in April 2008. Only difference (besides the ton of modifactions the previous owner did) is that its a stick-shift. Yes, that means I had to learn. Basically it was sink or swim. In the beginning it seemed impossible and I was extremely frustrated because I wasn't able to master it. I even gave up for a few weeks wondering if I made the right choice by purchasing a car I don't know how to drive! I hung in there and eventually was able to drive on my own. Very shaky and lots of stallings but still, I did it.
Writing about this now, I can't help but reflect how much this mirrors my recovery since treatment. It was very difficult and seemed impossible and I "stalled" several times. I even gave it up and gave in to ED. But somehow I trudged on. And little by little I learned how to live without ED. He was my automatic transmission but now I had to switch to my manual "healthy" self.
And now, just like everything you practice, its second nature. I am referring to both the driving and my live without ED.
I'm here to say that its possible. Everyone can do it if they really want it. AND, there is more to life than just ED.
Oh yes and one more thing..... Its been over a year since I have engaged in ED behaviors. Time went by so quickly!
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