I know I'm not a perfect saint when it comes to my ED, but I'm not sure its healthy for me to maintain friendships with those who don't seem to want to get better. I mean, I think we all have that point in our road to recovery where we want to stay sick, for the attention, but I'm passed that. It can't be good to have that kind of energy around me.
Does that sound selfish?
I mean, I care about them but I want positivity. I don't want to maintain relationships with those still deep in their ED that one day I'll get the news that they died from their disorder. That scares me! Thank God I haven't had to hear anything like that but its not like it won't happen eventually.
One can't maintain their disorder AND survive. I don't know I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to help them, but I'm learning more and more each day that I need to help myself first. If I learned anything at BHC its that you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting someone else with theirs. Its been hard for me to grasp this concept but I think I'm finally coming around.
Having a savior mentality is very exhausting and robs valuable energy I could be applying to my own recovery. I hate sounding like that, I want to help everyone else get better too.
To all of my friends in recovery, this isn't directed at anyone in particular, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Always.
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